alexis takes philosophical thought

Yes, this is a scary world. We Americans continues to learn through history about our bold conquest for independence, and our subsequent development of power for the years to come. But what is failed to be emphasized is what the United Sates of America destroyed in the process. How someone really obtains power. Either you deceive, cheat, destroy, and take control, or your Gandhi. And I can tell you with almost certain conviction that Gandhi is not American.

Starting with the founders of our whole country, a lot of whom were truly amazing souls, we fucked the indigenous people of North America. Literally and figuratively. And later made slaves of the Africans, and when we couldn't legally do that anymore, we went into their country and seized all their resources. And we are still making obvious excuses to do the same exact thing in the Middle East. And even if Barack Obama is as good a man as we all want to think, he will sacrifice other peoples' well being for the success of America. To indulge our dependence on capitalist consumerism. Because if he didn't, everyone would be pissed. Except maybe the indigenous people... which doesn't matter because technically we just own them and their land anyway.

And here I sit in Central America feeling sorry for myself because children here want to take advantage of my wealth by making me feel uncomfortable. That I have some right to walk through their streets with more money in my pocket than their family will make in their entire lifetime, and buy cheap drinks with it. That I have some right to witness the beauty of their country and their culture when they themselves can't.

Privileged to be American? In so many ways that I will never understand, yes. Proud? It's hard to say. Missing something? I will never know or be able to live simply. I will never be a part of any other lifestyle than the Western one, one which I cannot help but be ashamed of.

There are a lot of GOOD people in my country. Ignorant as all of us are, (because it is impossible to even begin to understand the perspectives of every single real person that lives on this Earth in a developing country, let alone consider them on a daily basis) I do know and love my life, my people, and I recognize the goodness of the souls I am surrounded by in normal life. But it really only takes a handful of people whose sense of greed overpowers all others, and convince themselves, and then others, that wealth (even if obtained through injustice) is what we need.

And so the United States of America owns the world. Any thing that we don't own is by our own choice that it's not something that we want. And if we change our minds, that with change with the strike of a match.

I am ashamed that I am angered by children who mug and prostitute themselves here. Because, if they understood it, they could look me in the face and say, "This is your fault. Your country is doing this. You are part of the problem." But I am scared of activism, and I will continue to wallow in guilt and try my hardest to help a different cause.

I write this as I sit in some scary Americanized mall watching Shakira's latest music video. I am repulsed, but so helpless. I think this development has come too far to turn back now. Too many Americans have died in Iraq to decide that maybe it was stupid to go there in the first place. Too many people in developing countries want to live like Americans--too many people envy me! Because I am blonde, fair, and fattening. And so our world has hopped on the capitalist consumerism train! And I am too scared to get off, really, because if I would even mention the word communism, it would start a war.

I feel like I am rewriting the Poisonwood Bible, which I just finished reading. But it is impossible not to be shocked by reading that, even within the last forty years, one dictator in one small country was murdering sickening numbers of innocent people, and imprisoning more, all while I am sitting pretty in a country that is probably equally as corrupt. And witnessing firsthand the United States' government pour money into the pocket of another evil dictator. Well, maybe not anymore, it's hard to say after the 2007 election. BUT it IS hard to say! I have no clue how many people on this Earth have been and are being fucked by my tax dollars.

How DARE anyone attack our country through terrorism. But who can really blame them? If bombing two of the most symbolic buildings in our country doesn't make us listen, what will? WE are the terrorists! We control everything. We destroy everything that doesn't benefit us! And no matter how hard we try, one corrupt person can have the power of a billion, and my lust for peace on this day just leaves a puddle on this Earth where I sit at this moment that will evaporate and join all the unaccounted for pollution in the global atmosphere. One person in charge of a massive industrial company can emit millions of tons of carbon without flinching. Millions of scientists who spend their whole lives flinching about it cannot even make a dent in taking it back out again. And so it goes.

I suppose I could be a missionary and preach my peace to whoever will listen and consider being convinced. But there are just too many people who won't listen. And who is to say that anyone really should? I probably wouldn't. We are among a self-perpetuating existence of not listening. Who is capable of leading, or first inventing, a plan for radical justice? Is it possible? That is a train I would like to get on, if it is. In the meantime, I will keep going to Unitarian Church.

nellie and alexis adventure time

Today is Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday. At three in the morning on Thursday, we leave for Costa Rica. Since I reported last, the weekend happened. The weekend… was good.

Saturday morning, three other girls and I had to do this horrible outreach. I don’t even want to talk about it. In brief, it involved fertilizing little hidden trees with poop on the side of a major highway with no shoulder in a ditch filled with 5 foot tall grass and fire ants for two hours. BUT once that was over, Nellie and I set out on a little adventure.
We were off to Orosi, a little town in the central valley that I discovered in a travel book. The original intention was to go see a volcano (Volcan Irazu, one of the most famous in CR) but it ended up taking about 4 hours to get there by bus so getting to the Volcano would have been out of the way and too much traveling for us. So we miraculously found our way from our school to Atenas, on a bus to San Jose, from the central market in San Jose twelve blocks to the bus stop to Cartago, from one bus stop in Cartago to another, on a bus to Orosi, and from the bus stop to this little tucked away hostel in the small mountain town. Phew! It was an awesome adventure.
After we got a little double room in the hostel (20 bucks! woop woop) we walked to a restaurant and had dinner. Originally, I was intending on taking this trip alone, but it was nice having a little date night with my good pal Nell bell.
Then we got ice cream and a box of wine and went back to the hostel to kick back a little bit. As we were reading German glamour and sipping on a $4 box of Wino Blanco, one of the hostel’s other customers walked in and introduced himself. Meet Judah.
Judah is a student in his fifth year at Harvard Medical School. Currently, he is practicing medicine in the San Jose Children’s Hospital. He is 27 years old and from Sisters, Oregon. He went to the University of Portland for his undergrad, and will graduate from Harvard in December. After that, he wants to go to Tacoma to study at a University of Washington residency for baby delivering (I forget the technical term). And Judah is a beautiful human being and is going to deliver my children.

That explanation was more for the benefit of my memory, as opposed to being interesting. Judah was just one of those people that you meet at a hostel when you’re traveling, and you’re so grateful that you met them. For whatever reason. He just had the most endearing way of conversing with us and explaining why he was doing what he’s doing with his life. We spoke with Judah for maybe twenty minutes, but I’m confident in saying that he is a really amazing person who inhabits this Earth and thank goodness that he’s here. We love Judah.

After Judah retired to his quarters, Nellie and I went out to get a beer at a bar. We found this little place and unintentionally ordered the “5 beers for 3,000 colones” deal and then drank five beers and had a hearty, drunken talk about our values and our love for the environment.
We stumbled home, I read my book out loud to Nellie, she fell asleep in her clothes, and then we both got a good night’s sleep.
The next morning, Nellie wasn’t feelin too good, but we got breakfast and set out for an adventure.
We were going to find some hot springs that the hostel had directions for. We walked about thirty minutes to the river that runs through the valley. We walked off the road into this coffee plantation toward the river.
This was one of those moments where we both looked at each other and said, Holy shit… This is our life right now… We are hiking through acres of coffee plants in Costa Rica in the middle of nowhere. It was crazy. Ah and we veered off the trail down a path to a river access and it was so perfect. The entire time, I couldn’t stop thinking: this is exactly what I needed! This is exactly where I want to be right now.
Then we got lost. We couldn’t find the hot springs, so we walked back out and asked a guy at the bar if he knew where they were and then he walked us there. This was a long walk. This was also a very cute boy. Who spoke very broken English. When we got there though, it was so cool to see this natural hot tub in the middle of the river. The water was in the 90s… like, legit. And just inches away from this flowing river… it was spectacular. But it was too hot to go in them, so we just swam in the river for a bit. I love rivers. I can’t even explain how much I love rivers, but I love them.
After this adventure, Nellie and I bussed back to the hostel, got our stuff, got lunch (SUCH CHEAP AND DELICIOUS FOOD HERE. I love it.) and hopped on a bus back home. Well, to Cartago. And then another bus to San Jose. And then you know what we decided to do in San Jose???? SEE A MOVIE. In a movie theater! This was a great idea. We decided to see Inglourious Basterds. We were there about thirty minutes before the movie started, so we figured we’d be able to just sit in the movie theater and get good seats and chill out for a little. Alas, did you know that people line up outside the movie theater starting… well, thirty minutes prior to the movie starting, there was a line of about 20 people, so starting very early, and then they just wait. Until the minute of the movie time when they open the door and then everyone rushes in. So we were stoked to see this movie and after watching about 20 minutes of previews for horror movies (they LOVE horror movies! They just love them. 7 out of the ten movies that were playing were horror movies) the movie started. Ha… did you know that 2/3 of this movie is just not in English? It’s in German and French. Well. We did not know this. Did you know that in Costa Rica, they use Spanish subtitles? I did know this. The combination of the two made it really difficult to understand the movie. The worst part was when it was in German and I kept switching back between trying to listen to the German and understand it, and read the Spanish and understand it. Actually, surprisingly, I pretty much got the gist of the whole movie. My understanding of written Spanish isn’t too awful! Plus, the movie was just so visually stimulating, you didn’t even need to understand what was going on. Just listen to the sounds of the words and enjoy the graphic killing.

Cabbed home and then back to reality. Class, housework, center life. The grind.

Today we got our midterms back. I got 85% on every single one. These are not bad grades. But I’m still really disappointed in myself. One thing I have not learned how to do is be okay with bad grades. The first time I got a B in high school (in Leadership, nonetheless) I just cried. And cried and cried and cried. For hours. And right now all I want to do to is crawl into my bed and cry. I know, I know it’s just a grade. (Well, three.) And they will never really make a difference in terms of anything ever again, but this is still one fight that my rationality cannot win. I like being smart and I want it to come so easily to me that I never have to feel this, but it’s just not that simple. It never really was. And now I am being punished for all those nights I lied on my reading logs and was just playing video games instead.

And I actually STUDIED, remember? Really hard. I felt pretty confident going into them. Okay, time to move on and do better next time.

Ah, I am happy. But today I just feel like crying. I feel a little lost. We are not even halfway through with this semester and I genuinely have no conception of anything that’s going on in any other world than my own. The internet never works, the mail never gets here, and even still I have little time for correspondence. I am just here.

I miss my sophie and mom the most and I wish our lives could just be a little closer to each other.

coffee and fiesta

Is this getting boring yet? Because sometimes I think about my day-to-day and think it’s getting boring. This is probably why they structure this program the way they do. Because we really only have three more days of real life class. And then we go to Nicaragua for 10 days. TEN DAYS. In Nicaragua. Nicaragua? Crazy. Then we have a five day vacay, where we have to leave the center. Then we have finals and then we start directed research. Which is basically just a week of research and then a lot of free time during which we have to write an epic paper. So, if you are a little bit bored, like me, don’t fear! Change is near!

This week has been… uneventful. Lots of class. More outreach. More class. Kind of winding down. Last night, we threw a massive party for all our host families. Yes, that means I got to chill with AYLEEN last night. And Maicol. This was really great because I got to introduce her to my friends and she could talk to people who actually speak Spanish and then they would translate and I could actually understand what she was saying. She’s hilarious! It was great. Also, literally everyone got dressed up and looked cute. For me, this was the first time EVER.
We put on a talent show. There were several acts I was a part of: the singing of Wagon Wheel with about 9 other people… it was pretty, harmonies and all; the dance of Thriller with about 12 other people: we all learned the Thriller dance—this was epic, they made us perform it twice; and a Spanish soap opera, the plot was me, Guillermo, marrying my cousin, Angela, and realizing I had a four year old child with Angela’s sister (my other cousin) at our wedding. Hilarious. It was a fun event.
Yesterday we also went on a field trip to an organic coffee farm here in Atenas. It’s small scale—mom and pop style. It’s cool though, to see people here just legitimately utilizing agriculture in a sustainable way for no other reason than they actually believe in it.

\The family has to do ten times more work than huge monocrop plantations, but they believe in ethical environmental practices. Can you believe that? It was refreshing. We got to hike around the land and see all the coffee plants (which are SHADE GROWN. Impressive. And nice for a hike) and learn about their fertilizer (chicken poop) and how they sun dry their beans instead of oven dry (6 days of constant rotation of beds of beans in the blazing hot sun, as opposed to a couple hours where all you have to do is toss them in the dryer)…
It was cool. If you would like to know more about how coffee is harvested, just holler. I’m an expert. NBD.
This is a coffee berry coated in their natural delicious honey. Yum.

Tomorrow we have another FLAB (Field Laboratory) due and then we leave for the weekend. There is really nothing to report. Just doin’ what we do in Costa Rica.
All the girls lookin fly. You know.

monteverde

So Monte Verde is epic. This you probably already know. But seriously, every place we go to gets cooler and cooler. A week from Thursday we leave for Nicaragua for 10 days. Which is going to be sick.

But Monte Verde. Cloud Forest. So epic! To get all scientific on you, cloud forests are these rainforests that are basically always engulfed in clouds because of the topography. There are a bunch of mountain peaks and valleys and the clouds form these little patches at the top of the peaks and so there are all these little separated niches for lots of animals to inhabit. So tons of species diversity and plant diversity and it's temperate and cool and wet and beeeeeautiful. It just felt good to be there.

Day one, we had a drive to the national park and went on a hike. This is the hike crew:
It was cloudy (go figure) so it was hard to see the beautiful view (at the top of the mountain is the continental divide, so you can look off one side and see the Atlantic Ocean, and look off the other side and see the Pacific Ocean) but we got the idea. The clouds moved so quickly and were so beautiful. Then it started to pour rain, and it’s basically been pouring rain since. Apparently, it’s been a really dry dry season. I woke up this morning to rain for the first time, which is apparently much more common than we have experienced. Anyway, our visit was cut short because it was pouring, so we went to the cheese factory on Monte Verde. Which apparently produces the best cheese in the country. Well, basically it’s the only place that has normal cheese. Like, not queso fresco. They have cheddar and goat cheese and provolone. And also ice cream. I ate some delicious ice cream. Which still really wasn’t as delicious as any ice cream back home. I really really miss ice cream.

We stayed at another little field station, similar to Tirimbina and had classes and did a field lab project… Ours was measuring insect herbivory on native plants versus nonnative plants. This is the flower we were studying:
Then we had a 32938749823 hour long car ride all around Lake Arenal. We stopped at a wind energy farm which was cool. Learnin about energy supply in Costa Rica. Did you know that 90% of the energy that Costa Rica produces itself is renewable? Fancy that.
I thought this looked a lot like Scotland.
After the wind farm, we got back in the van and it just started POURING rain. We went to dinner at this place that was inside but the roof was leaking because it was raining so hard. So we were wet. The entire town of La Fortuna was out of power and water for a while. We stayed at a motel with TV and hot showers though which was cool. Unfortunately, it was so cloudy and lightningy that we couldn’t see the Volcan Arenal (which is supposed to glow red magma and spew) or hike up it to some waterfalls.
However, the next day instead we got to go to these “hot springs” as a class. Well, nothing was hot because it had been pouring rain. Like, torrential scary rain. But there was a sweet water slide. This was a weird excursion because we were at a resort that kind of exemplified “conventional tourism” which is basically all we’re learning about. And how bad it is. And yet we invested hundreds of dollars in it? Conflicting ideologies, I’ll tell you. But it was beautiful, and really fun.
That night, we bussed into San Jose to see this free concert in a park that Dayla told us about. The bands were two popular Costa Rican bands, Sonámbulo and Son de Tikizia. Good music but, alas, go figure, it was pouring rain. So this was fun for a while. And then we were really wet. And it just kept raining and there was no way to get dry so we fell asleep in the bus. The music was cool though and it was nice to be in a city for a while.

Sunday and Monday have been lazy days… Back into the swing of school. We leave for Nicaragua a week from Thursday! Then we are gone for ten days, come back for a week and then have our break. And then we will be more than two thirds of the way done. All that will be left is directed research and travel… crazy. Can’t wait.

I posted a bunch of pictures on facebook if anyone wants to see more...
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38461&id=1456470019&l=61fb2c4272

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=38352&id=1456470019&l=0800a49730

If any of you are inclined to write, my address is on the sidebar and my email address is alexis.johnson@coloradocollege.edu . I would love to hear from people back home. Missing you all.

And the Alexis dance sandwich:

good things about today

1. i got 100% on my spanish midterm! i am a genius. it's no big deal.

2. i am actually STUDYING for my midterms tomorrow. did you hear that? i'm doing schoolwork! and it actually feels good. like i just feel happy and accomplished. i haven't studied this hard since freshman year of high school. i forgot how rewarding it is.

3. i'm obsessed with michael buble's new song - i haven't met you yet. luckily i had downloaded about 75% of the music video before the internet went out for the last two hours so i could listen to it repeatedly while i studied. this made me very HAPPY.

4. i miss and love home so much. but i am so happy here too and i am just settling into this place where i feel comfortable and i enjoy everything we do here, and i can think about how excited i am to be back in the states with contentedness instead of homesickness.

5. i discovered WORK OUT VIDEOS. these are great inventions. today i did kick boxing with jilian michaels. she informed me that the harder i work, the more i will get out of what i will do. she told me this about every five minutes for the entire work out. this is true. i sweat all my cholesterol awaaaay!

ahhh i am just refreshed.

helplessness and unpredictability

get ready for the longest post ever of my life

This home stay experience has been the CRAZIEST shit of my life. Okay. Yesterday morning I got picked up by my mama. She looked HOT. Like super young and pedicured and wearing kitten heels and a sexy white tank top. I didn’t really know what to expect. But we walked around the market for a bit, bought some bread and then ran into her mom. This I thought was really cool and weird. Because we were just in the city center waiting for the bus and then like, oh, it’s her mom. Anyway, we got on a bus to her house. She was really good at making conversation with me even though I am inept at Spanish. This was the beginning of a weekend of communication difficulties. Anyway, we got off the bus and we were walking down the street (crazy steep and not paved, and her in heels just chillin) and told me one house was her uncle’s, one her sister’s, one her aunt’s… and basically that her entire mother and father’s family lives on the same street. Everyone we walked by she hollered at… it was great.

Then we got to her house and I met her 6-year-old son Maicol. He is adorable. She put on some karaoke videos (???) and I just hung out with him while she cleaned the house. And watched Celine Dion music videos with English subtitles. Her house (which I thought she told me was her sister’s house that she was just staying in because it’s bigger, but I mean it was definitely her house so I really don’t understand. Also her dad was there most of the time. He might live there too? This was all very confusing to me) was very quaint. Like, the perfect Costa Rican house. Houses are typically really small with a small living room/kitchen and a porch and a bathroom and then some bedrooms. I stayed in a room with a big bed and a TV that might have been her room but I really couldn’t tell? I mean I couldn’t understand a single thing. That anyone said to me. Except Maicol just started continually asking me, “Tu tienes abuelos? Tu tienes hermanos? Tu tienes hermanas?” And found this really entertaining.

Then we headed out somewhere, to where I had no idea. But I was huuuungry. We just walked and walked and walked and stopped to talk to people and she told me about how this house was her friend’s house, and this house was her cousin’s house… It was great. Then we were up next to a little bar and walked up to a house right next to it, where one of her friends lived with a little babyyyy. Can we talk about how incredibly perfect and beautiful Costa Rican babies are? We sat and chatted for a while and then left and kept walking through her back yard because she has a lot of land with a huge garden. So beautiful. We encountered turkeys and chickens and then climbed this rock. It was cute. You couldn’t really see anything but there were lots of plants up there. Then we climbed down and walked up a really steep hill up to where there were all these empty lots that are being sold to Americans. She said a lot of people from the United States are buying property in Atenas. It really is beautiful and perfect. So this was kind of a long jaunt, but Maicol held my hand and it was nice just being with people who weren’t the people in my program and just wandering.

We turned around and started walking back and only almuerzo was on my mind, of course. And we stopped back at her friend’s house and just sat down and I was so confused as to what was going on… And then she fed us. And I wonder how people deal with feeding people here porque I have no idea why or how we ended up eating at her house. Was this predetermined? Also, Eyleen just straight up doesn’t have a job. She’s a homemaker and spends everyday doing what we did this weekend. We talked about this as we were walking (because two of the only words I understand in Español are ‘trabaja’ and ‘Estados Unidos’ and she kept saying “En Estados Unidos, trabaja trabaja trabaja” and in Costa Rica everyone gets to rest.) and it’s true—all she has to do is cook and clean and watch karaoke videos. I don’t understand.

Anyway, then we hung out there for a while… Mailcol and Valerie (baby) just hung out and Eyleen and her friend hung out and I fell asleep in a chair.

We walked back and I was able to take a little siesta, which was nice. Except Maicol kept coming in and visiting me every 15 minutes. When I woke up, there were all these people in Eyleen’s house just watching TV… and I got to watch some Costa Rica television for a while, which is absolutely hilarious. Then Eyleen put on one of her favorite peliculas (movies), of which she literally has hundreds. She has more dvds than any person I have ever met, no joke. Most are karaoke. She put on “A Walk in the Clouds” starring Keanu Reeves. Which is probably the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen. In case you haven’t heard of it, watch the trailer.

At this point I kind of realized what a crazy perception Costa Ricans must have about Americans. Like, everything that doesn’t come out of their everyday lives is American. Movies, music, their economy… They just watch these movies and music videos and everything with Americans in them. And somehow everything that you watch that is American but dubbed in Spanish seems so silly and over the top. Also we were learning about this in class but everyone here is just racist, but it doesn’t really matter. There is something called “white legend” and it’s better now than it used to be, but Costa Ricans adapted the perception that they are entirely white, and disregarded the ethnic composition of the rest of their background. And now they just talk about negroes and cheenas like it’s nobody’s business. Yes, this experience was a culture shock. Living like an American in Costa Rica is just not the same as living as a Costa Rican in Costa Rica.

Anyway, I watched this hilarious movie with Spanish subtitles and then we ate dinner. Arroz, frijoles, vegetales y pollo. Sound familiar? It’s still delicious, every time I eat it. Afterward, Eyleen asked if I wanted to go out to a ‘party’ so we walked back to the bar that we had been at earlier. Mind you, now it was pouring rain, and it’s about a 20-minute walk up hill on loose rocks. Eyleen is wearing 4-inch heels. She’s ridiculous! On this walk, she told me about her 60-year-old boyfriend, and her French boyfriend… I didn’t really understand. But she said that men in America are muscular, and men here are fat. Also she told me she has 9 siblings, and she is the youngest. We could hear the music for almost the entire walk there. IT’S KARAOKE NIGHT!!!!!! No way, karaoke? No way.

As soon as we walk up, the guy in charge of karaoke (Chase, Eyleen’s gay friend who is the shit) hands Eyleen the mic and they just start rocking some duets straight off the bat. So cute. Then we just sat at a table and listened to everyone rock karaoke (pretty much only guys because there were only guys at the bar), which was awesome and hilarious. Three Costa Rican men serenaded me. This was great. And then more ticos asked me to dance! And then MORE ticos bought me drinks! I was sitting very pretty this night.

Then I was pretty drunk and we got in this car with these two guys that had been hitting on us hellaaaa. I thought they were giving us a ride home. So it seemed. Then we were driving and driving and we were not home. We ended up at this little sketch bar and I had no idea where we were. I was exhausted and I just kept saying ‘Estoy cansada’… just waiting… then Eyleen said to me, ‘Quiere a mi casa?’ and I said sí so we got back in the truck and waited for the driver guy. Then he got in the truck and we were driving and driving and driving… and just not going home. And the guy driving was wasted. And swerving of the road and driving on the wrong side of the road at ridiculous speeds and then stopping really abruptly and trying to get Eyleen to kiss him and this was terrible. This was drunk driving at its worst. This is when I was sure I was going to die because I was crammed in the back of this truck with no seat belts and I had no idea where we were. This went on for a really like time. Way too long. This is when I thought we were being kidnapped. I just closed my eyes and buried my head into the shoulder of this boy that had fallen in love with me. (At the bar, I just straight up could not understand anything that he was saying. Because the music was loud. And I don’t speak Spanish. So we passed notes and he was like, "Me gusta usted" or something and then wrote some other stuff about his job that I didn’t understand. Whatever, he was nice.) Then eventually we turned up at a discothèque. I had no idea why this was happening because I can’t understand the language that they speak. So I just tried to keep my spirits up and stay as close to Eyleen as possible. We danced for a little (which was actually cool because the discothèque was a tight place and everyone dances salsa, not like bump and grind) and then got back in the truck. And after another life threatening car ride, where the driver asked me “Porque no sexo?” we made it home. And my ears were ringing, but I was feeling pretty good. All in all it was quite the experience.

Today I woke up to papi watching something on TV at a ridiculous volume at six in the morning. Everyone here watches TV all the time. And at ridiculous volumes. And the walls are solely for… I really don’t know. They have no function. They are just paper. I lay in bed for a while until Maicol came in to check up on me, asking “Tiene sueño?” Then he left. Then he came back thirty minutes later and this time I wisely did not open my eyes so he would not bother me. Instead he started rubbing my arm until I opened my eyes. “Tiene sueño?” I rolled over. He left. Then he came back and I just completely ignored him. So he crawled into bed with me and turned on the TV and started watching cartoons at a volume to wash out the sound of the TV in the other room. Then he started writhing and being antsy until he was practically jumping up and down on top of me. This was kind of cute. It was also kind of annoying. Maicol is the most precious boy, but he doesn’t have the most social grace. He also told me he was three years old three times, until his mom corrected him and told him he is six. Also he does this thing when he gets excited where he puts his arms down at his sides and then starts shaking his hands and the rest of his body frantically. Then he puts his head down and looks up at you with only his eyeballs. This was funny. But weird.

I awoke to cousins and sisters and who knows who else milling in and out of the house. I crawled onto a sofa and listened to all the noises of this life. Eyleen was talking on the phone for hours, and I drifted off into a doze. As I came in and out of sleep, my brain pretended that Eyleen was speaking English and I understood the conversation… this was so pleasant. No obligations but this couch and a doze. The morning went on like this for a while until Eyleen said vamos around noon and we were off. To where, I had no idea. I assumed lunch. So we walked down the road, in the opposite direction of where I had been. And we walked and walked: Eyleen, Maicol, her niece Lisette, and me. And the pooch. And walked. Then we veered off the road into a little pasture. Someone’s backyard maybe? But we kept walking and continued into some thick brush. A picnic? Then we climbed down this pseudo path and then across a stream and then down a canyon, barefoot, because otherwise we would slip and die. It was at this point where I stopped trying to keep my clothes clean and sat on my butt and slid. At the bottom, we had a view of a beautiful waterfall. This, I thought, was very nice. I took pictures and we turned back. When we got back to the stream, instead of heading back, we continued monkeying along the riverbank, which was a canyon. Of slippery rocks. It wasn’t long before I slipped and fell into the river. I was annoyed that I was wet. But I kept a smile and kept walking. Ah, no worries though, because it wasn’t long before we just hopped in the river ourselves and started wading. First ankle deep, then knee, then upper thigh, then the entire bottom half went down, and before I knew it, we were chest deep in river. Little Maicol was just swimming along. We just waded along in the water… until we turned around. Then we walked up another waterfall back where we started and finally after about two hours of exploring, we put on our shoes and headed back to the road. What an adventure! I was just completely unprepared and taken by surprise, but it was SO great. Eyleen and her perfect pedicure and four inch heels likes to get down and dirty. I never would have thought. I was definitely out of my element here, more so than my company at least, but it was so fun. They kept telling me to take pictures. None of them use a digital camera much, so they got a big kick out of looking at all the pictures after.

The entire walk back, Eyleen exclaimed “Tengo hambre tengo hambre!” Then we saw PARROTS! They were sooo cool. They were in a tree right next to the road just putzing around. I tried to help Eyleen around the house on the trip, but I don’t know how or if you’re supposed to push it on people. I kept asking, ‘Puedo ayudar?” but she just said “Esta bien” and I didn’t know what to do after that. So she made lunch and we ate and tried to communicate… and it was nice. Then she put in a CD of thousands of English tunes (My Heart Will Go On, Complicated, Don’t Stop Believing, The Proclaimers, Imagine… pretty wide array) and we both sang. She sang just the sounds that she had memorized, which was basically gibberish, and it was so cute. And then it was time to go. And I left.

Okay, that was three pages of every minute detail of my life this weekend. But it just felt like a dream. So surreal. I was just a member of this Costa Rican family, trying to live like them and from their perspective. And completely helpless because I don’t understand them. I can’t imagine waking up in that tiny house everyday and singing karaoke and talking on the phone for hours while I sweep the carpet, and make potato, carrot and mayonnaise ensaladas, and watch my six-year-old son play with a plastic action figure from a burger king happy meal and then shudder with excitement, and give my papi pills throughout the day, and watch my cousins come in and out and talk to me, and walk everywhere you need to all the time, no matter the distance… Because all you have is time and relaxation. And that is how the Costa Ricans live and it's just perfect.

My most shameful self-confession is I am a full-fledged American, and a helpless victim to consumerism. We are not warned about these addictions, ones I never realized existed. How long will it take to not miss going online and buying anything I need and having it delivered directly to me, or making a quick and small investment in face wash at Wal-Mart, or getting in a car and driving somewhere I need to go (a necessary destination includes Kirstin’s house, or the video store), or pulling out my cell phone and texting someone when something text worthy happens, or forgetting my water bottle or shopping bags, and just using disposable ones. Obviously, I only do these things when I absolutely need to. And it’s not that often and it’s never very much (well, maybe not texting, so how much harm can it be doing? Ah well, I need it enough to actually feel the loneliness when it’s not there. Not everyone is like Americans. (No shit?) And practically no one lives like us. It’s scary to come to the grips with the fact that at this point, it straight up wouldn’t be easy to live differently. Definitely possible, but I can’t say how long it would take to adjust. And some addictions just don’t ever go away! That’s scary. The helplessness of privilege; being born in America.

And maybe the hardest part is that, as people become wealthier and as Costa Rica becomes more developed, they just want everything to be more like America. I was talking to some of my friends who stayed with people who were, for lack of a better word, rich. And they all reflected that everything they did was just more… Western. Video games, cars… I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel like the right way to go.

It’s good to feel like a family here. It’s a great boost to my self-esteem that ticos just want to mack on me hella. It was amazing having a weekend away from this center to spend in dreamland. And that is the end of the four pages of the beautiful things I do, mi amor. Pura vida.

Eyleen is the shit.

yo les amo niños

I guess almost a week has gone by since my last real update! This was such a weird week though. No field trips, so it felt like nothing important happened. We had a lot of free time for studying and working on labs. It was nice. I lost track of what day it was. All day yesterday I thought it was Wednesday. Such a weird feeling. One morning this week, we did gardening… I raked weed whacker clippings for two hours. Actually kind of hard labor when it’s in the Costa Rican sun. I have a gnarly blister. We also got to go to the University of Costa Rica for a lecture and we walked around San Jose for a bit. UCR is tight and huge. It was fun being in the city for a little bit.

Yesterday morning we had another outreach experience at the little escuela in Atenas. It is an elementary school that focuses on environmental issues, which is perfect for us! This experience is SO COOL. I didn’t really talk about it much last time, so I thought I’d just talk about it a little bit.

Okay so there’s this small school that’s about 20 minutes away from the center kind of in the wilderness near the local organic coffee plantations. It’s a beautiful hilly drive. The school has a total of about 20 students, kindergarten through 5th grade. There are two classrooms and a little cafeteria and a little bathroom. So precious. So last time three of us got to teach about 12 kids English. We made little notecards with English and Spanish words on them for things in the environment (monkey-mono, sun-sol, tree-arborlés, etc) and then they would draw the picture of what it was. (See pic. So cute)

We also made these posters with pictures of the environment and then labeled them and basically made them repeat words to us in English. We kind of free for alled, I tried to teach them, but my español is no bueno. One girl asked me if I had met Michael Jackson the singer, and I had no idea what she was saying and I kept saying sí sí… Luckily one of my co-teachers corrected me, but it was so difficult.

So we went back yesterday to paint a mural on their bathroom building. We designed it beforehand (about the value of water), and basically we just drew the shapes on the wall and let the older kids kind of paint by number. They all did such a good job and it turned out to be so beautiful! Also, the Spanish was way easier this time. I got to practice all my color words and was able to communicate with them pretty well. The kids are adorable and their school was super cute.

The six of us finished up the mural with touch ups and outlines and it’s amazing! It was really rewarding to be able to spend time with kids and try and promote a positive image of Americans. Even though the school is so small, we were able to give them something that will last years and years. So much fun! Here is the building before we started painting (and me awkwardly standing in front of it) and in the middle with all the kids painting and the final product with the entire school in front:



Tomorrow we are going to stay with families in town for the weekend. I’m so ready to get out of the center for a little bit and be a part of real life. I’m staying with a woman and her three-year-old son. Hopefully we’ll hit it off and I’ll have a connection in the community. We also have midterms next week…. What have I learned so far? Haha, just kidding. We’ll see how it goes. Other than that, just the same ol’ routine. Tonight I baked delicious brownies and cookies for my host family. And ate like half of them. Whoops. It’s okay I’m running everyday. Whether or not I’m getting fat is debatable, haha.

My dear friend Nellie (who is Will Vunderink’s COUSIN, for all of you who think that’s really weird) took all these awesome pictures of the kids and me teaching and the murals. So, that is why all of these pictures have me in them. But muchos gracias to her. And all my love to all of you.

OH and my longest childhood friend Natasha JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!!! I will be a bridesmaid in one year. So crazy. Sooo happy for her.